whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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