OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
