i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
