do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
