can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
