I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
