I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
