Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
