He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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