Tell her she can't have a vagina
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
