Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
that may or may not have been my penis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
