My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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