So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just found puke in my bra..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
