Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
