I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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