In the future we'll all be gay
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
