what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
