Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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