and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
