there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
