break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just invented taco cereal.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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