if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
