Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
