I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
