and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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