Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
