idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
