i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
