I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
