Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So much rum. So many feels.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
