the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
