i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think your dad took our porno
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
