Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
