He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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