don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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