It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it's like iHOP with fire
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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