DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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