I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
