Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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