question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
