I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
