Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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