I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
