I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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