He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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