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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers

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• (435): View more from Utah

  Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.

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