the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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