Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
