I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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