I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
do herpes really smell.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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