seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
