This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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