Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
