I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
