whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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