Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
